Today marks the end of September and the end of Childhood Cancer Awareness month. Please don’t let your awareness end today. Children are dying every day. Our son, Joey, will never meet his big sister here on earth. Sarah and I believe that Ella visits him and we will constantly keep her in our lives. Joey will know of his sister because we will tell him about her. Joey has an Angel and a Saint looking out for him, this is true, but Joey will not have a big sister to help him if he gets picked on at school. Sarah will never be able to take Ella with her to get her hair and nails done. I will never get to go to a Daddy/Daughter dance with Ella. This is our heartbreaking reality and the reality of many other families. I’m not asking for pity, I’m just angry. I’m not angry at God, but just at the lack of awareness. So much awareness is given to causes like breast cancer, but what about the girls that never get a chance to grow up to have them? We need to be their voice and advocate for our children. If you feel inclined to donate, please choose charities that matter like Supporting Kids Foundation, Connor’s Mission, Noah’s Bandage Project, Braden’s Hope, and St. Baldrick’s. Want to go a step further? Great! How about signing up to be a bone marrow donor. Through Be The Match (www.bethematch.org), you will swab the inside of your mouth (that’s it!) and you may be contacted to help save someone’s life. Bone marrow can be donated through an IV in your arm, rarely is it taken through big needles in your pelvis anymore. How about donating blood? People across the nation need this dearly to save their lives. Ella received more blood than I’d like to talk about and we are grateful for all donors. Big things, little things, it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you take action. Get angry that our children are dying and many don’t have a proven cure (Ella didn’t). Get angry and please do something positive about it. Maybe even just talk about a child like Saint Ella and how she changed lives, but we wish she was still here to change more. If you see a bald child or one that has gained weight due to steroids, please don’t stare….please smile, say hello, and tell them how beautiful/handsome they are. God bless! Saint Ella, pray for us! 
September 14, 2016
Saint Ella, pray for us!!! Today marks the 1 year anniversary of Ella’s passing. It is also the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. The Cross of Jesus is the symbol of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice. During Joey’s Baptism a few weeks back, I listened to Father Murphy and PJ Ludwikoski’s conversation about Christ’s crucifixion. They were talking about what Jesus would say while he was up on the Cross. We could ask Him how He is doing and Jesus would most likely have said, “I’m doing great!” Can you imagine that? Being crucified even though He was innocent, and He died willingly and the most painful death, but all the while He’d say that He was great. Wow! Ella died one year ago and it has been very hard, but Sarah and I try to focus on God. God gave us Ella and we are so blessed to have her in our lives. God also gave us Joey, Ella’s little brother. We just know that Ella visits him. Joey will crane his neck to look at Ella’s picture on the wall. Joey’s picture is right below it, but he only looks at Ella. Joey also shares a lot of the same quirks as Ella and we feel that Ella is teaching him everything that she knows. Saint Ella is always with us and we hold this dear to our hearts. We miss her more than I can express. We miss everything about Ella. September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. You know our reality. We need to help all of the other kids and families touched by this nasty disease. No parent should live our reality. These kids need a chance to go to school, play sports, graduate school, go to school dances, get married, etc. Sarah and I won’t get the luxury of watching Ella do these things. Please continue to raise awareness for the children touched by cancer.
If you live in the Detroit area, please go to California Pizza Kitchen at Partridge Creek today. Connor’s Mission (run by Drew and Diana Nicol) is hosting a fundraiser in honor of Ella and money raised will benefit children touched by cancer. Please eat some pizza today!
Thank you, everyone, for your beautiful thoughts and prayers. God Bless! Saint Ella, pray for us!
“And when a sickness takes my child away, and there’s nothing I can do.
My only hope is to trust You, I trust you Lord.
In the eye of the storm, You remain in control.
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul.
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn.
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm.” – Ryan Stevenson, “Eye of the Storm”
I absolutely love this video. It shows Ella’s sense of humor so well. She’s trying to get to my ear to say, “Psssssst.” Love that girl!!!
August 17, 2016
Joey is doing great! I know that many of you have asked for more pictures and we’ve been slacking. He’s a happy little guy and we are so so blessed. I see so much of his big sister in him. Joey has a lot of similarities to Saint Ella and that is never a bad thing! He is such a sweet boy (except for when he’s hungry, just like his daddy)! This weekend, Sarah and I will be attending the KC Cares Walk at Children’s Mercy Park in KCK. Come out and support the hospital if you’re available Saturday morning. Festivities start at 8:30a and the walk starts at 11:30a. Come say hello and donate to Children’s Mercy Hospital where Ella was treated. Only $10 to walk with us!
For my friends and family in MI, I want to make you aware of an amazing new organization called Connor’s Mission. Connor is the amazing son of Drew and Diana Nicol. Connor is the 4-year-old that had a lemonade stand/garage sale in honor of Ella. That event exploded into something way bigger thanks to the Detroit community and Detroit media. Thus, the formation of Connor’s Mission. On Sept 14th, in honor of Ella and on the one year anniversary of her death, California Pizza Kitchen at Partridge Creek will be donating 20% of sales to Connor’s Mission. CM will be donating 100% of all funds raised to other charities and also to buy toys for pediatric cancer patients in Detroit. It’s an amazing organization run by amazing people and formed in honor of our sweet angel, Ella. Please mark your calendars and stay tuned for more to come from Connor’s Mission.
Saint Ella, pray for us!
August 5, 2016
Saint Ella’s legacy lives on! Connor is the 4-year-old son of one of my dearest friends, Drew Nicol. Connor decided that he wanted to donate some of his toys to kids in need. This idea snowballed into a lemonade stand and garage sale, all in honor of Ella. Somehow multiple media outlets heard about Connor’s cause and a once simple, sweet idea became something much, much bigger. In about 12 hours, Connor’s lemonade stand and garage sale raised over $10,000! The money raised will be donated to charity and also used to buy new toys for children battling cancer while in the hospital.After Ella’s diagnosis, we spent much of the next 14 months in and out of the hospital. During our inpatient stays, Ella hated to be in her room. It seems that she felt trapped and wanted nothing to do with her room. Therefore, we spent lots and lots of time in the oncology unit’s playroom. If it weren’t for people like Connor and the Nicol family, Ella would not have had toys to play with and feel somewhat “normal.” The toys helped Ella be a kid and it took her mind off of the fact that we were not at home. We had a few hospitalizations that were as long as 3 weeks in length and some kids have to stay even longer than that. What some people may think is a simple cause is actually going to make a major impact on kids lives. Cancer kids don’t lead normal lives. They are torn from their friends, lose their hair, get poked and prodded, have tubes attached to them, woken up at all hours of the night, given poison (chemo), and all in hopes for a cure and a chance to be a “normal” kid again. So much time of their lives is spent in the hospital receiving treatment. If Ella wasn’t in the playroom playing, we would even take some toys back to her room and this helped make her room less scary.
Thank you, Connor, for having such a pure heart and honoring Ella in such a phenomenal way! When you get older, you’ll actually understand the impact that you’ve made in this world. You told your dad that you want to change the world, well buddy….you’ve done it!
Just in case you’ve missed it, I’ve attached links to yesterday’s event below:
http://www.fox2detroit.com/news/local-news/185237682-story
Photos below of Connor and Ella at the Detroit Zoo and of Ella playing in the hospital with toys.
August 2, 2016
Ella’s family update…the last 2 months have been interesting, to say the least. Ella’s baby brother was born last month (almost 6 weeks old and doing so well!), Sarah was diagnosed with thyroid cancer, and had her thyroid removed. Surgery and recovery for Sarah was a bit rough. Sarah had her thyroid removed, was discharged from the hospital only to be readmitted through the ER within 12 hours. Since her low calcium was stabilized, she has been feeling much better. Follow-up blood work showed that her calcium has come up, but she still randomly has tingling and has to take extra calcium supplements. Can’t wait for that to stop! Sarah had a CT scan of her head and neck and it came back clear! There are no signs of metastatic disease (other than the known lymph nodes). That is a relief! Initial blood work showed elevated thyroid cancer levels after surgery, but that was redrawn and has dramatically come down! Sarah will meet with the endocrinologist next week to determine course of treatment for the thyroid cancer (her lymph nodes showed microscopic cancer cells, so the cancer was starting to spread). Preliminary thoughts are that she will have to take radioactive iodine and then be done. The problem with the treatment is that Sarah will be radioactive for a few days and cannot be near baby Joey. (More time for me to bond with my boy!) I guess it’s a small price to pay if the cancer goes away. What’s a few days for a lifetime?!? So, the big kicker that Sarah and I were dealing with lately….the day after Ella’s baby brother was born, I received a phone call from Ella’s oncologist. I though it was odd, but thought maybe he was calling to congratulate us on the new addition to the family. Not…so…much. He had heard about Sarah’s diagnosis and was calling to tell us that he was concerned that baby Joey may be at risk for cancer as well. Apparently Sarah’s thyroid cancer diagnosis paired with Ella’s medulloblastoma gave him reason to fear that Sarah and I may have a gene mutation that could potentially put Joey at risk for cancer as well. Well, that’s just what you want to hear within 24 hours of your son’s birth, right? So, Sarah and I have secretly been freaking out about this. Of course, when one of your children is diagnosed with cancer, it’s seems logical (to us) to wonder about the health of the rest. Though we didn’t appreciate the phone call from Ella’s oncologist, he has always had our family and Ella’s best interest in mind. We never wanted to hear the things that he had to say, but I’m sure that we would have thought about it at some point. When Ella was born, we didn’t think that she’d ever be diagnosed with cancer and ultimately die. What parent really thinks that? It’s our worst nightmare; one that you never wake up from and continue to live every day. In the end, Ella’s oncologist recommended that Sarah and I be genetically tested for a specific gene mutation. Well, we received word today that it was NEGATIVE!!! We can now sigh and know that Joey is healthy and that Ella’s path was just a plan of God’s (I want to ask Him about it when we meet in the next life).
God continues to bless us every day. I don’t know why Ella went through what she went through and why we have to live with her loss. It still sucks. We still go to the cemetery almost daily and tears still stream down our faces. We laugh with the memories of Ella, but it hurts not getting to watch her grow up and be the best big sister ever. We are so sure that she’d be so caring and protective of her little brother. When Joey is sleeping, there are times that he smiles in his sleep and we believe that Ella is giving him kisses. Though we live with the physical loss of Ella, God continues to be so awesome! Why did Sarah get diagnosed with cancer? Dunno, but I just know that she’ll be cancer free soon. It could have been worse. God blessed us with Joey. He’s beautiful and so much fun. I believe that Ella and Joey saved Sarah’s life. Ella asked for a sibling for her birthday, which helped us heal and try to give her that. Not long after, we learned that Sarah was pregnant. During the pregnancy, we learned that Sarah had cancer and that her hormones from the pregnancy may have exacerbated the cancer and made her thyroid larger, faster. Sarah caught her cancer early because of the rapid growth. Long story short, our kids saved Sarah. God has blessed us with the best kids and in turn has saved Sarah and I in so many ways. People say that kids are a blessing and it’s true, but it’s God blessing us through them.
Every day, Sarah and I hope that God feels that we’ve had our fill. This past 2 years has been absolutely the hardest and we don’t feel that we can handle much more. We want to know what normal feels like for a family, because we don’t really know. No more hospitals or doctor visits. Please just give us trips to the playground, grilled cheese sandwiches, and snuggling on the couch watching that same movie again for the 51st time. I’ve said it a few times, but when you look at our lives….you just can’t make this stuff up.
Sorry for the rambling.
Thank you to everyone for the kind thoughts, prayers, gifts, etc. Truly….thank you for everything! Please continue to pray for those fighting and those that fought valiantly as the person is never too weak, but the cancer may have been just stronger than the medicine. Please keep their families in your thoughts and prayers too. God bless. Saint Ella, pray for us.
July 15, 2016
And, we are home! Sarah is feeling better and she was discharged this afternoon. Her pain is managed by Tylenol and ibuprofen, so that’s nice (no narcotics – Sarah is tough). Sarah’s only symptoms (and they’re doozies) are dizziness and a tingling sensation. Her dizziness comes and goes and is tolerable. Her tingling is due to her calcium levels being low. Her thyroid used to manage her calcium levels and now her body needs to “wake up” to take over the calcium regulation. Sarah is supplementing her calcium throughout the day and we are hoping to reduce the tingling. If we can’t control her plummeting calcium levels, Sarah could end up back in the hospital. Too low of calcium could ultimately lead to arrhythmias and seizures. Yeah, don’t want that. Sarah’s surgeon said that her calcium levels should stabilize sometime in the next 2 weeks. Still no word on the biopsy results.
Baby Joey is still doing great. He is eating and sleeping well and is overall happy. We are blessed on many fronts.
Thank you for the well wishes and prayers! God is so good! Saint Ella, pray for us!
July 13, 2016
Sarah’s surgery went great! The surgeon said that she thinks that the cancer did not spread and was isolated to the thyroid. So…..no more thyroid. The surgeon took some lymph nodes from around Sarah’s thyroid for biopsy, but she thought that they looked normal. We will hear the results from the biopsy in about 3 days, so maybe as late as Monday. Sarah rocked out her surgery and has battled some nausea, but is resting comfortably. Her pain is under control which is awesome. If Sarah’s blood work stays good (her electrolytes, specifically calcium, can get out of whack) and she has no swelling or bleeding, Sarah should be discharged tomorrow! I’ve included photos of baby Joey because no one wants to see photos of us anyways. Joey is doing great too! He eats about every three hours and sleeps pretty well. He’s super chill and snuggly. Joey even loves his baths!!! The hardest part of Sarah’s surgery? Being away from this sweet boy.
Ella was undoubtedly with Sarah (right next to Jesus – Sarah’s Primary Physician) and her medical team today! I am confident that Sarah kicked cancer today! Thank you all for the sweet words and prayers. We will keep you updated. Saint Ella, pray for us!
June 23, 2016
Joseph James Tosch blessed us with his presence at 9:52pm tonight. He is 20″ and weighs 6 lbs 15 ounces. Both Sarah and Joey are doing great! Joey’s big sister has been working her magic for some time and we are so grateful. Saint Ella, pray for us! We love you and your baby brother!
June 21, 2016
Whenever you think that you are weak, God proves you wrong. Sarah and I have always thought of ourselves as weak, but then Ella was diagnosed and God ultimately called her back to Him. People say how strong we are, but you don’t have a choice when put in that position. We had to be strong for Ella and for each other. Ella was definitely the strongest of all of us. She has taught us what it means to be strong. Well, God is calling us to be strong again. Today, Sarah was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. You read that correctly…cancer. The baby’s due date (oh yeah, Sarah’s pregnant) is July 8th which happens to be Ella’s diagnosis date. We didn’t try for that either. God works in mysterious ways. Sarah’s OB Doctor has planned for the baby’s induction on Thursday so that we can move forward with Sarah’s treatment which hasn’t been figured out yet. Calls have been placed but nothing concrete yet.
I haven’t posted lately because we know of other families that have very sick children and our focus was prayers for them. Prayers will still continue though.
Sarah will be almost 38 weeks along on Thursday and her OB is confident in the induction decision. He believes the baby will be okay and so do I.
Sarah feels like she can’t go through this, but who ever thinks that they’ll have a kid with cancer or lose a child to it? We certainly never did, but we are living proof that you can. We aren’t alone in this and Sarah isn’t the first pregnant woman diagnosed with cancer. I’m not trying to minimize the severity of the news she just got, but others have done it and so can we.
Ella has been giving Sarah lots of signs lately and I think that Ella has known about this for a bit. Ella is Sarah’s Guardian Angel. Did I mention that Ella is also a Saint? Kinda nice to have her in your corner, right? Ella is telling Sarah that she is with her and that is a great source of strength. God has the rest.
Please add Sarah and the baby to your prayers. Please continue to pray for Dominic and his family. I’d like to fall apart right now, but I know that I can’t. I trust in God and have confidence that all will be okay. Saint Ella, pray for us!
“In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.”
1 Peter 5:10 NLT
The video is of Ella singing a Fifth Harmony song. This song plays at times that we talk to Ella and we take it as her letting us know that she’s here with us.
May 2, 2016
May 14th will mark 8 months since Ella’s passing. So much has happened in these last eight months. To recap, I started a new job, we bought a new house, and learned that Ella will be a big sister. All of these happenings have a little bit of Ella in each and every one of them. My new job is not directly related to Ella, but I am sure that she is watching over me. The new baby boy (due July 10th) is only possible through God, but Ella did tell Sarah that she wanted a baby sister for her birthday last year. This helped mine and Sarah’s healing process and opened us up to the possibility of trying for another child. Ella didn’t get her wish of a sister, but we may not be done trying. Either way, Ella will be a big sister and most certainly will be the best one ever! Ella also led us to the house that we most recently purchased. Sarah and I have forever been apartment dwellers and settling down in KC is a huge deal to us! We have committed to this town and community. We have felt so much love and couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. Our house had and has Ella written all over it. On Friday, we officially moved into our new house, but moving out of our apartment was bittersweet. Our apartment is the last place that our sweet Ella lived and played, and it was hard to leave. While moving out, Sarah and I noticed a hand print of Ella’s on the wall. If only the apartment complex wouldn’t charge us for missing drywall, I would have cut it out and taken it with us. We moved into our house and we absolutely love it, but it feels (it know that it is just a feeling) like we left a little piece of Ella behind. Ella would have (and I’m sure that she is) loved our new house. It has a huge backyard with a play structure and she would have been pumped! There’s so much room to run and play. Ella’s cousin, Jacob, came over this weekend and tested out the backyard. His smile was priceless. I bet Ella was right beside him the whole time!
Time has gotten harder for Sarah and I. We are still waiting for the day that this loss gets easier. During this moving week, so many of Ella’s favorite songs were heard on the radio and it makes us smile! These songs aren’t necessarily popular anymore, so its as if Ella was telling us that, “It’s okay.” Even so, it is still hard. We are excited for Ella’s brother to arrive, but we are also nervous. We are nervous that his arrival will make us miss Ella even more. We are excited to love a new child and we have so much love to give. This sentiment may seem strange, but it doesn’t make it less true. Sarah says that she doesn’t know if she’s ready for a boy, but I’m sure she’ll figure it out. Sarah is the best mom and Ella is proof of that. I hope that all of you mothers have a fantastic Mother’s Day this weekend!
Pediatric is real and needs our attention. Last weekend, Noah’s Bandage Project had their first annual 5K and 2,200 runner/walkers attended! NBP was able to write a check for $100,000 to Children’s Mercy Hospital (where Ella and her friends were/are treated) and will benefit pediatric cancer research. Please keep praying for Ella’s friends Joe, Malina, Jonah, Kit, Brooklynn, Wyatt, Brysin, and those not mentioned and definitely not forgotten. Thank you and God Bless! Saint Ella, pray for us!
Positively Ella 