Yesterday marked three months since Ella went to be with the Lord. Times have been tough. The shock of her loss is wearing off and the reality that she is no longer with us is really sinking in. There are a lot of heart sinking times when Sarah and I think of Ella. We are filled with joy when we talk about our sweet girl or hear a song that she loved. We talk about and do things such as driving around and looking at all of the Christmas lights and say, “Ella would have loved this.” We take solace that Ella is in Heaven. We are confident in that fact. This is comforting, but we still hurt. Anyone that has experienced loss can understand this, especially when the loss is a child. People ask how we are doing, and I tell the truth. We are okay. We have times that are really tough and they are completely random. This morning on my way to work, I was overcome with the feeling and reality that Ella is no longer here. A song on the radio triggered it all. It’s hard to drive with tears in your eyes, but you can’t control when the feelings arrive. I know that we will see Ella again (hopefully, if we live right and close to God), but you can’t hug and kiss a memory.
This experience has brought forward many people that have also experienced the loss of a child. I am amazed at the number of people that have told me that they too, have lost a child. You’d be shocked at how many people are living their daily lives with this and you’d never know it. Each one says that they still experience hard times with the loss, regardless of how long ago it happened.
Sarah and I have also been lucky enough to have multiple people tell us that our faith and our stories about Ella, have brought them closer to God/faith (we are included). Some have even said that Ella has “saved” them. This is absolutely amazing. Truly a blessing to think that we (through Ella) are helping “save” souls. This is truly Gods work. What better could have come from Ella’s physical loss? Nothing!
I can fathom people thinking that losing your child would cause a person to turn from God or their faith. Sarah and I? Our faith has never been stronger/deeper. Ella is an amazing little girl and a beautiful soul. We will continue to tell our story and hope to save more people. This world is truly scary and we’ve seen some horrible things. I’ve heard many preachers/priests talk about the Second Coming of Christ and that the time is near. If this is true (we will never truly know when He will return until He does), we need to make sure that we are right with God before Christ comes again. That is, if we want to make it to Heaven. The way that I see it, why dwell on the horrible part of Ella’s death (our physical loss) and why not focus on making it to Heaven so we can be reunited? We can wallow in sorrow and hatred, but what good does that do?
This Christmas, please remember the reason for the season…you’ve all seen the bumper stickers. I love Santa and the idea of gift giving, but let’s not lose focus during Christmas. Let’s enjoy family and our friends (truly enjoy them, yes…even your in-laws). Put your differences aside and be happy. When you receive a gift, be truly thankful…it may be simple, but that person may have truly put some thought behind it. Remember that God gave us His only Son. Christ is the best and most amazing gift. Jesus left the glory of Heaven to become human and save us. He was willingly put to death to save us. God and Mary watched Jesus suffer and die for us. Mary knew from the beginning that Jesus would die and she accepted the news and continued to serve her God. I’m not comparing Ella to God, but she saved me and has strengthened my faith. I went to twelve years of Catholic school, but soon found church to be a “chore” or boring. Not anymore. Ella actually loved going to church. During mass, Ella told us that, “this makes me happy.” I see mass in a truly different way. It is a happy place. I pay attention and enjoy being there. I feel that many of us “fall asleep” in our faith. We may not go to church regularly or may be afraid or embarrassed to say that you believe in God. If a 3-year-old finds church cool, why can’t you? I’d love to make it to Heaven and hang out with each and every one of you!!! There’s still time to come back to God!!!
Christmas is such a joyous time full of gifts. Ella is one of mine and Sarah’s greatest gifts. We are so appreciative of everything that she has and continues to teach us. Many families are hurting during this time, so please hold your families closer and breathe in the good times. When you think that your life is hard, remember that someone else has it worse and please pray for them. Sarah and I are hurting, but we know that we are blessed and that others aren’t as fortunate as us in many ways.
Our support system is vast and we appreciate and love all of you. We are touched by all of your messages of love and encouragement. Please pray for Camille and her family, that they all find peace. Please keep in your prayers, Joe, Malina, Jonah, Noah, Kit, Brysin, Blake, Brooklynn, Eva, Jonny, Chad, and all of their families. God bless!!! Saint Ella, pray for us!!!
For last minute gift ideas for kids, please check out madewithdelight.com Ella has multiple hats (pictured) from this amazing company, and she loved them all!!! The braids were her favorite (especially when she didn’t have hair).
Positively Ella 