February 28, 2016

Photos from one year ago. I post because so many people care about us, but picking photos/videos is so tough. I normally avoid looking at them because all I do is cry, but I feel guilty if I don’t. I know the feeling in my heart is true, but the guilt still exists. It’s so hard to believe that Ella’s been gone for over 5 months. Missing her has only become more evident and the tears come easier. None of this is getting easier. Despite the heartache, we are blessed with the news that Sarah is pregnant with a baby boy! The most unbelievable part of this news is that the boy is due on July 10th. Why is this amazing? Well, Ella was diagnosed on July 8th and had emergency brain surgery on July 9th. Sarah and I are seeing the baby’s due date as a way of God trying to make a bad time of year, into a good one. Trying to replace a time of year full of such hard memories with something beautiful and new. God has a plan and He is always working though we may not see it initially. 

When Ella was diagnosed, our world was turned upside down. We, like so many parents, never thought that our child would be diagnosed with cancer. Through Ella’s treatment, we’ve found that pediatric cancer research is grossly underfunded. Noah Wilson is a boy that passed a few months before Ella. His passing is a direct result of his cancer treatment. Noah was in remission from his primary cancer, but the chemo and radiation caused leukemia which ultimately would take him from our physical world. Noah was a driven young man and his legacy lives on through Noah’s Bandage Project which is run by his amazing parents. In April, there will be a 5K run/walk in Noah’s name that will benefit pediatric cancer research. Can’t run? Walk with us. Sarah and I are both proudly participating. Bonus for all of you Kansas City Royal fans below. 

From Noah’s parents:

The 1st annual Noah’s Crown Town 5K is less than 2 months away, and prices go up on 3/1, so jump on in like the 1000+ other runners/walkers have and join us and Eric Hosmer on 4/23 as we raise money for pediatric cancer research!!

Are you a Crown Town Warrior? A Crown Town Warrior is anyone (child or adult) currently fighting cancer, who is a cancer survivor, or who has passed away due to cancer. If so, we want to recognize you at our event on 4/23. Email us at info@noahsbp.com to let us know you will be there, and we’ll be ready to crown you a Crown Town Warrior. If your loved one has passed away, we want you to accept the recognition on their behalf.

We hope to see you at the Noah’s Crown Town 5K on 4/23. Help us spread awareness for pediatric cancer while raising the much needed funds to make a difference. Thank you to everyone who has signed up already!!

Register here: http://www.noahscrowntown5k.com

Thank you everyone for all of the love and support. God bless! Saint Ella, pray for us!

   
    
 

  

February 15, 2016

It’s a boy!!! Confused? Well I haven’t posted in a while, so strap in because this one’s a doozy!!!
It has been 5 months since Ella’s passing. Nothing has changed about missing our sweet girl. There have been good times and bad times. Some moments are filled with tears and sadness, others with smiles and laughter. Ella is the love of our (Sarah and I) lives and she will be forever missed. There’s no doubt in that.

For those of you that are newer to our story, Ella passed on September 14th from lack of medical knowledge on how to battle medulloblastoma (a cancerous brain tumor). Ella obtained remission, relapsed, and passed away 15 months after diagnosis. Ella had the fight in her, but we didn’t have the medicines to help her fight. Our angel battled with such grace, love, and happiness. She has taught so many people, so many things.

Before Ella passed away, Sarah had asked her what she wanted for her birthday. Ella replied that she wanted a baby sister!?! What 2-year-old says something like that? One that was preparing her parents for healing…that’s who. Sarah and I struggled with the idea of having more children. Were we trying to replace Ella or just the void of losing our only child? After some time, we realized that Ella is NEVER going to be replaced. You can never replace a child, especially Ella. Once we got through the feelings of guilt and uncertainty, Sarah and I decided to try to give Ella her birthday gift. Well, as you can guess, Sarah is expecting a sibling for Ella. It makes me cry to say that Ella is going to be a BIG sister!!! Ella isn’t getting her baby sister yet, but she is getting a baby brother! 

Do we care about boy vs. girl? No, not yet. We just want a healthy child. We want a baby girl eventually to fulfill Ella’s birthday wish, but truly it doesn’t matter anymore. 10 fingers and 10 toes? Nope. Who cares. Truly just praying for health and happiness. Any child will be showered with love.

Sarah’s ultrasound today showed a very healthy boy. This baby is kicking mom like crazy and he even gave the ultrasound tech a fight. She was trying to get her pictures and he kept moving. He even kept opening and closing his mouth like he was talking. Looks like Ella is going to live on in her brother. If all this movement and talking continues once he’s born, we are never going to sleep again…and we will welcome it with open arms!

Other news for our family…..we bought a house!!!! Sarah and I will soon be residents of Olathe. This story is another good one…influenced by our Saint Ella. Our home search lasted less than one week. Sarah looked at homes on Tuesday and Thursday of last week. On Thursday, I met with Sarah and our realtor after work to look at Sarah’s favorite houses of the day. Sarah’s favorite house had another house with the identical floor plan that had sold the previous day, but was just two doors down. Unable to look at both homes (because one had sold), we looked at the one and fell in love with the floor plan, but not the house. The house just wasn’t well taken care of and seemed like it had too much work to be done. We decided that we liked it, but not enough to make an offer.

The next day, I called our real estate agent and she mentioned that she had received a text message that morning from another agent. Apparently, the house two doors down from the house that we looked at, was back on the market (the deal had fallen through due to the buyers not being able to sell their house)! We scheduled to look at that house on Friday afternoon. On my way home from work, I stopped by to see Ella at the cemetery (Sarah and I visit her daily). Sarah happened to meet me at the same time due to her not feeling well that day. Normally Sarah sees Ella in the mornings. Sarah and I asked Ella to be with us during our house search.

Once arriving at the house, you could tell that it was much better cared for than the house we had previously looked at. We toured the inside and as Sarah passed the pantry, she noticed something on one of the shelves….”Ella’s Treat Jar.” Seriously? Tears immediately filled Sarah’s eyes. We headed upstairs and the room next to the master has a crib with the toddler railing attached. Seemed like the child was maybe around two-year-old and the name on the wall….ELLA! This house was meant to be. Sarah and I knew that we had to make an offer, so we did. We wrote our offer and then left it in God’s hands. Saturday morning, we received news that our offer was accepted!!! 

We were anxious about the thought of leaving our apartment because this was the last place that Ella lived. It has such good memories, but Ella has sent us a sign. She is already living in our new house. She WANTS us to move there. Amazing stuff. You can’t make this stuff up. You just can’t. 

God is so good!!! Surrender to God and He will fill your life with goodness and love. 2016 is our year of healing. So far this year, I started a new job, we will have a new baby join us in July, and we will soon move into a new home! We are truly blessed. 2015 ended with our ultimate sadness, but God is healing us. Trust in Him and He will make things right. We just hope that we can continue to lead good lives and make Ella proud. Ella’s brother has huge shoes to fill. Poor kids sister is a Saint. We won’t hold him to this though.

Thank you, everyone, for all of the love and support. Please share our story. Bad things happen, but so do good things. God doesn’t punish us. We may never understand His ways, but try and surrender to Him. Good will come. Strive to live life so that you will make it to Heaven. Think about how awesome it’ll be and how many awesome people are there. Can’t wait. Many of you never got a chance to meet Ella, but live your life with love and you will (this is not a threat). It may be 20, 40, 60, or 80 years from now, but it’ll be an eternity of awesomeness. God bless! Saint Ella, pray for us!!!     

The video is of Ella one year ago. She absolutely loved to sing and dance. She also loved Bruno Mars. The video is Ella watching the “Uptown Funk” music video and trying to imitate some of the moves. So full of life!